Wonder Woman Never Got Sick

If you haven't been to the ChronicBabe.com yet be sure to go there as soon as you finish reading this post. It's a fabulous resource for women living with chronic illness. I read an older article there this evening and there were some lines in it that I identified with so strongly I had to share it here. "As a feminist, being ill puts a whole new spin on being sick. Shouldn’t I be independent, in control, not a victim? How do I resign myself to needing help, to having to ask anyone for anything? The fragile porcelain doll was never my female ideal. I am a child of the seventies. Wonder Woman never got sick. The needs of your body are valid, and you need and deserve to have them met. Not asking for help when you need it is a great way to go from under the weather to sick. Feminists value the female body. Let that begin with yours." According to the original post this came from, Colleen McKee is a teacher, writer, and activist as well as the co-editor of Are We Feeling Better Yet? : Women’s Encounters with Health Care in America.

Thank you for this song 10,000 Maniacs!

I've always been a big fan of Natalie Merchant's voice, especially when she was with 10,000 Maniacs. The song Like The Weather always struck a chord with me as I associated it to how I felt when going through depression. I heard it tonight for the first time in awhile and in light of my diagnois, it had a whole new meaning. I looked up the lyrics for you to read below and here's the link for their live performance of it on MTV Unplugged. I'd be curious so hear from anyone who feels an affinity to this song as I do. Like The Weather by 10,000 Maniacs Color of the sky as far as I can see is coal grey. Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again. Shiver in my bones, just thinking about the weather. Quiver in my lip as if I might cry. Well by the force of will my lungs are filled and so I breathe. Lately it seems this big bed is where I never leave. Shiver in my bones, just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my voice as I cry, What a cold and a rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away? Hear the sound of a noon bell chime. Well I'm far behind. You've put in 'bout half a day while here I lie With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my voice as if I might cry, What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away? Do I need someone here to scold me or do I need someone who'll grab and pull me out of four poster dull torpor pulling downward. For it is such a long time since my better days. I say my prayers nightly this will pass away. The color of the sky is grey as I can see through the blinds. Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again Shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my voice as if I might cry, A cold and a rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away? A cold and a rainy day I shiver, quiver, and try to wake. (From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/0-9/10000-maniacs-lyrics/like-the-weather-lyrics.html)

Stages

Last night I was thinking that there must be stages or phases that one goes through from the time they are diagnosed with a chronic illness to when they have fully accepted it and can say they are living well. So I did some online research today and found out I was right! The following came from Felicia Fibro's blog.

Dr. Steve Overman spoke next and much of his presentation discussed ideas from a book he co-wrote with his patient who has fibromyalgia, You Don’t Look Sick: Living Well With Invisible Chronic Illness. He pointed out that, “‘there is no cure’ does not mean that you cannot be well.” That is something that I whole-heartedly agree with. One of the most important focuses of what he spoke about are the “four phases to chronic, invisible illness:

1.GETTING SICK: includes the crisis of the onset of illness and a person’s fear of the unkown. A time to diagnose, find treatments that work, find hope, and help you let go of fear.
2.BEING SICK: requires treating the patient so that inflammation and pain are controlled. The physician empathizes with the patient’s natural feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, and loss. A time to stabilize medications, improve your home program, and increase social activities.
3.ACCEPTANCE: requires working through the grief that occurs when it becomes clear that “The illness is not going away.” A time for mourning losses. A time to find new ways you can give of your gifts.
4.LEARNING TO LIVE WELL: occurs when a person finds meaning in her/his illness, and uses this understanding to rejoin and give back to family and society. A time for reducing medications, increasing activities and finding meaning.”


Since it hasn't even been a month since I was diagnosed I would say I'm in stage 1 and it's hard being here. I feel like I've learned so much already yet I feel like there is so much more to learn! I don't feel that my family and friends get it yet (except for my BFF) and tonight my partner and I had our first arguement over it. She's been gone house-sitting for the last week and won't be home until Friday, my son came back from a week with his dad yesterday and today I had the worst day in months, with me sleeping almost all day. Even though my son did very well today, in spite of my inability to be fully present, I told her how concerned I am about her starting a second job and being gone so much. But no matter how much I tried explaining it to her, she didn't get it. She actually said the words I've been dreading to hear - "you've been sick this whole time so nothing is different". How can she not understand that EVERYTHING is different now? Number one being that I will no longer push through the pain and fatigue in order for others to not give me such a hard time. And number two being that I now know how important it is for me to be kind to myself.

I am trying to remember that she is looking at this from a different standpoint. Her number one concern is providing for us. She will do whatever it takes to make sure we have food on the table, bills paid and a roof over our heads. Without her doing that we would have none of it cuz I certainly don't help much. I guess we just have to find a balance, learn to understand the other persons fears and maybe get some therapy. I'm sure there are therapists who can help us cope with this individually and as a couple.

Well it's late, the dog needs to go out and I should get to bed. Even though I'm tired, I spent so much of the day there that I just don't want to go back! I'm going to have to invest some time, creativity & money (ha!) on creating a fabulous, comportable, lucious, peaceful bed/bedroom retreat for myself!!

Blessings to my one follower this late night!